So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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