Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
