we have officially lost it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize