Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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