party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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