we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
