you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize