last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
