im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
