i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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