just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
