All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i now understand why vodka
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
