'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
