Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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