Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
