I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
