smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
