even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
