My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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