I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
