I think my vagina is haunted
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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