I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
