so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
