i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
