The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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