i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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