I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
