i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
