i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
