Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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