if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
