My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
