I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
smell my finger.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
