Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
