I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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