After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
