It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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