haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
