I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's the barista slut.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
