Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
