You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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