id be glad to
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
