ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this will be a night to untag.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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