I hate all girls vehemently.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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