I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
