I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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