I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize