woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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