Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
