3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
