My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
