I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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