I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
