this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
