is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
