New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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