I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
