Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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