Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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