i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
