I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think i got beer on your cat.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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