OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
