im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
