I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I touched a dick in church today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
