I want to make a zoo with you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
