just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
