Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
