My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
