Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
