Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
